Zebra Bite Sidelines Gorilla For Season. Uh, What?

Have you or anyone you know ever been attacked by a zebra? Then please call 1-800-BITCH-YOU-LYIN because there’s no way that’s true. The zebra is a most docile creature, sort of like a horse that’s been shamed into submission because of the unfortunate nature of its coloring. And they’re those herbie-vores. They’re nice, right?

Zebra Bite
(Mynd you, zebra bites Kan be pretty nasti…)

Err, about that. The Pittsburg State Gorillas, which are naturally located in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania the Congolese jungle Kansas, have just lost linebacker/safety Joe Windscheffel for the season after a zebra gave him some whatfor and a little bit of the whatnot. Ouch.


Windscheffel […] recently had to move three female and a male zebra to paint a fence along a pasture line.

But the male charged him, bit his arm and would not let go. The animal was dragging Windscheffel by his arm when two of his fellow farm hands finally freed him.

This all happened on a farm near Lawrence, Kansas, and you’re probably thinking the same thing we are: they have zebras in Kansas?! Evidently.

The attack left Windscheffel with a compound fracture in his arm that required a plate and six pins; this close to autumn, that’s a sure end to his football season before it even began.

But that’s not all bad news for Windscheffel; though this is the second straight season he’s missed due to injury, he can at least remain ambulatory during his recovery; last year’s Achilles injury afforded him no such luxury.

So now while his teammates are busting ass on the field, Windscheffel can do things he’s always wanted to do, like go to the movies, or the opera, or the petting zoo. Well, not the last one, actually. Yeah, no.