Your Next St. Louis Rams Owner: Rush Limbaugh?

The newest owner in the NFL just could be a portly individual with strong vocal chords and a problem with illegal prescription drugs. No, not Britney Spears. It’s political chatterbox Rush Limbaugh, the despot Teddy Ruxpin who has made a fortune marketing right-wing bravado like Pop Tarts (which is the only fruit he ever eats, apparently).

Rush Limbaugh

St. Louis Blues chairman Dave Checketts is trying to put together a group to buy the Rams, and keep them in St. Louis (is this wise?). But Checketts needs more cash than he can currently get his hands on, and Limbaugh is on record as saying that he would like to be involved. And he can afford it — that cigar he’s smoking there is made of mortgage foreclosure statements and aged silver certificates.

From a July, 2008 article in the ST. LOUIS BUSINESS JOURNAL:

“The Rams would be a great team to have,” Limbaugh said in a phone interview from his Palm Beach, Fla., studio. “I have a lot of friends in ownership in the NFL, and my desire to get involved has not been a secret.”

Limbaugh grew up in Cape Girardeau but said that does not play into his thinking about the Rams. “This is a business decision,” he said.

Limbaugh recently signed an eight-year syndication deal with PREMIERE RADIO NETWORKS estimated to be worth $300 million (although at the President’s Club Dinner in Washington D.C. on May 4, Limbaugh claimed that it was worth $400 million).

I’m no fan of his radio show, preferring as I do to live in the real world. But I think an NFL with Rush Limbaugh as an owner would be fun. First, there’s the inevitable feuding with Jerry Jones (I picture them ramming each other’s Cadillacs at a Dallas intersection), and the large prop containers of OxyContin that will thrown onto the playing field at every Rams away game.

But the real hilarity will not ensue until someone gets injured and the Rams are forced to pick up a free agent quarterback at the last minute. And of course the best quarterback available will be Donovan McNabb.