You Set Beer Limits At Your Own Peril, Maryland

The Maryland Terrapins have overhauled their college football stadium for 2009. If I were a late night television host, I would have said that sentence, literally one person in the audience would have cheered for the mention of the Terps, and we’d get one of those funny, weird vibes in the room that makes other people laugh and then I can joke about one person liking Maryland. I guess what I’m saying is Maryland is marginally popular to the point of amusement.

Maryland's new stadium
(Architecture! Renovation! Improvement! Now the team will win more games for sure!)

But we’re getting off track already. Renovated stadium for Maryland, and like all new BCS-level stadia, it’s going to feature luxury suites. Good! And the luxury suites are going to have beer and wine. Better! And it’s going to be strictly limited! Best! Bad news.

Per TRACKING THE TERPS:

Maryland is limiting the new, 24-person football suites to a maximum of 96 beers, an average of four per person. There are also limits on wine.

You all know that beer and wine still won’t be permitted in any other part of the stadium. And suite holders won’t be permitted to bring their own beer or wine into the stadium.

Okay. Here’s the thing about four beers. Over 3-4 hours, it is the worst amount of beer you can give someone. Anything less, and it’s unlikely to cause a major shift in sobriety over the course of a football game. Anything more, and you’re about to start rocking (if, y’know, that’s your thing). But putting 48 ounces of beer into someone means they’re probably scraping a buzz together, then getting the dreaded afternoon hangover.

And God help a suite if they drink their last beer with 8 minutes left in the game, because there will be some high-level jonesin’ going on at that point. It’s beer; it’s what it does. After 4, 5, or 6, you want more.

And look, the school obviously can’t actively support overdrinking by saying “okay, we’re supplying 9 beers per person, go crazy folks” or anything. That’s just begging for poor PR and legal trouble. But the ban on fans providing their own alcohol for use in the suites seems more than a little nannyish. A good compromise makes both sides unhappy, we suppose.

Okay, so good compromise = good business, right? Suites are being snapped up and making it all worth the university’s while, yes? The BALTIMORE SUN:

Now Maryland just needs to find buyers - a task made more challenging by the recession.

The suites are being completed when the team’s ticket sales are down and many college and professional programs are feeling pinched by the economy. Season ticket sales have fallen to 24,894 from 27,110 at this time last year - an 8.1 percent dip.

The luxury tower is targeted for completion about two weeks before the Sept. 12 home opener against James Madison. The university says it has sold 40 of the 64 suites….

That, by the way, is a full 10 suites fewer than Maryland promised to sell before even building the suites, according to THE WIZ OF ODDS. So given all of this information, on what can we blame the slow suite sales? Can we blame the economy? Nope. Drs. T-Pain and Foxx, you’re wanted in the YouTube wing, because only you know who to blame:

You’re damned right that’s two days in a row we snuck that song into a SbB post. Hey, if the alcohol shoe fits, um, drink it.