You Got Your Rose in My Beasley: Draft Dilemma

If you visit BULLS.COM today, you’ll see quite the sexy little animation asking the musical question we’ve been dealing with as a weary nation since the Bulls’ balls busted through to the top spot: Derrick Rose or Michael Beasley? Rose is the hard-working point guard from Chicago. Beasley is the athletic beast from… not Chicago.


(Gotta draft ‘em all!)

After months of hearing just how great both young men are, though, we don’t think the Bulls should have to choose. Why not draft both? Riley’s planting whispers (honest or no) that he hates Beasley and thinks he’s a doo-doo head and he wouldn’t draft him if he were the last Coleman on Earth. He wants to trade the pick. Why not to the Bulls?

Let’s say… this year’s #1 from Miami for next year’s Chicago #1 and… players and stuff. Yeah. We’re a real idea man; let the Assistant GM in Charge of Making Stuff Happen take care of that.

And while we’re at it, we hear this O.J. Mayo kid once walked on water (on a jet ski paid for by a booster). We want him to back up Rose or maybe play two-guard. So trade Kirk Hinrich and his albatross of a salary to Minnesota for their pick and… stuff. Man, we’re brilliant. We don’t know why Kevin McHale makes this look so hard.

Finally, also get Brook Lopez, Robin Lopez, Robin Givens, Ernest Givens, Ernest Byner, the cast of “Bye Bye Birdie”, and a little birdie told us that Michael Jordan will totally quit the Bobcats, unretire, and rejoin the Bulls to lead them to another championship.

So this looks like a good draft day for the Bulls. We look forward to next season more than ever. (Until, you know, training camp breaks. Then we’ll hate the whole team and demand that we trade “Bye Bye Birdie” for “Music Man” and Tony Kushner’s next two dramas.)

(Man, we should really leave this to the pros.)

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