You Can Party With Terrell Suggs This Weekend

Attention, citizens of Baltimore. Tired of living in Baltimore? Sure you are. The city is a dull, dingy mess, ripe for the portrayal The Wire gave it (the show wouldn’t have made much sense in, say, Topeka). Why, I’ll bet you haven’t been to any good parties lately. And Terrell Suggs wants to change that.

white tigers

(No, he will seriously have white tigers there. No word on if they’ll be mauling Siegfried or Roy.)

Courtesy of the inimitable YOU BEEN BLINDED, we have Terrell Suggs’ video invitation to “the livest party of the year.” Seriously. That one kegger back in October where the guy set off the firecracker in the toilet was nowhere near as live. That invitation and the details are after the break.

At the link Suggs mentions, we see that his guests will include Ray Lewis, Ed Reed, some DJs, Rihanna (oh, she’s a pretty one), and a bunch of other models I’ve never heard of. The general party is Friday night, and it includes “incredible live Vegas style entertainment, sickly hot VIP section and A List Celebrities and Athletes from the NFL, NBA, America’s Next Top Models, Hollywood and Music!”

Damn, sickly hot? Like the radiator’s broken or something? I don’t know if that’s something you want to advertise, but I’m not the one partying with Rihanna, so what the hell do I know?

Sunday, though, is the private party (we’re assuming the omission of a Saturday party was intentional, as playing in the NFL with a hangover is a frightening proposition), where tickets are $100 and the location is only given out to ticketholders. It’s funny, though, that even though they’re only selling 100 tickets, um, they’re still not sold out. Seriously, Ravens tickets are barely less than that, and now all of a sudden you can’t find 100 people in the area who’ll drop a C-note for a private party with an open bar and some local pro athletes? Really? Way to promote, guys.

YBB points out that doing this the same weekend of a game against Oakland may not be such a wise idea, and while they’re technically taking the night off before the game, it’s still not brilliant to throw the, ahem, “livest party” in the middle of the season unless there’s a bye week or something. For crying out loud, guys, there are aerialists and firebreathers. What if someone falls on Ray Lewis from 45 feet upĀ or burns Ed Reed’s face off? It could happen.