Emily Dickson mocks your antiquated notion of 11 players per side. The 14-year-old British schoolgirl scored two goals recently in a youth league game; not impressive until you find out that she’s the goalie, and both scores were on 120-yard shots from her own penalty box. Boom goes the dynamite!
These goals didn’t bounce into unattended nets, mind you; in both cases, the opposing goalkeeper was on duty. Which begs the question: Is Emily that good, or did her goalie counterpart have some sort of full-body Tourette’s? It’s believed to be the first time that a goalkeeper has scored twice from his (or her) own penalty box in a regulation game in the history of Britain; impressive when you consider all of those Monty Python soccer sketches.
From THE DAILY TELEGRAPH, your finest source for bionic-footed schoolgirl soccer news:
“I took the ball and smashed it as hard as I could when it came to me (Emily said). “It bounced over the keeper and went in. I couldn’t believe it.” She added that her manager came onto the pitch afterwards and told her “double or quits”, priming her for a second attempt.
“So when the ball came to me next, everyone shouted ’shoot’, so I did and in it bounced.”
I have no idea what any of that means because I don’t speak British. But what I do know is this: Somewhere there is a very lonely opposing goalie who received no post-game orange slice.
All of this helped Emily’s team, the Hoddesdon Owls, defeat the Stevenage Vixens 3-2. The most goals by a goalkeeper ever in one game, according to the Guiness Book of World Records, is three; by José Luis Chilavert of Paraguay’s Velez Sarsfield in 1999. As if you didn’t know.