• THE SPORTS HERNIA wants you to be the envy of all the kids on your block, as you can now get your very own New York Yankees Wild Card cap:

• The SEATTLE TIMES hears the halftime word from U-Dub Huskies coach Tyrone Willingham regarding the then-#1 USC Trojans: “Don’t believe the hype.”

• 100% INJURY RATE checks their e-wallet, as they price the Fire(yourcoachhere).com domains.

• PLUNK BIGGIO is sad to see the long-time Astro hang up his glove, but is even sadder to see him come up short on a historic record:

• Here’s the real inspiration behind Shaq Diesel: A rap video from former Laker Cedric Ceballos.

• Bring back MartyBall! RUMORS AND RANTS is struck by the incompetence of the Bolts’ Norv Turner.

• Grizzlies President of Business Operations Andy Dolich to 73-year-old Grizzlies ticket holder Elzora Somerville, who was thinking about not renewing her season seats because she needed a closer parking space due to her health: “Ms. Somerville, you can have my parking space.”

In response, Somerville renewed for next season immediately.

• An Oregon Sports Hall of Fame receptionist to the PORTLAND TRIBUNE on the number of Greg Oden Trail Blazers jerseys purchased since the big fella wrecked his knee: “Haven’t sold a one.”