Chaucer, in “The Canterbury Tales”, gave us advice from his St. Jerome: “Dooth somme goode dedes that the devel, which is oure enemy, ne fynde yow nat unocupied.” Idle hands do the Devil’s work and all that. And this has been your weekly justification for that English lit degree that now has you working in sales.
Joba Chamberlain, now bereft of busy work since the Yankees proved themselves to only be the fifth- or sixth- best team in all baseball (LOSERS! HAHAHA), instead chose to get so stinkin’ drunk in beautiful Lincoln, NE, that getting behind the wheel of his dark-colored 2006 BMW should have never been an option. So, of course, he did.
(Don’t be a coward; call a cab)
And that’s how the New York press found something to keep their hands fully engaged (besides Jeter Lovin’, of course) on a day when the Red Sox should be occupying the back pages of their broadsheets. After all, how often do you get to mention that the young pitching star of your most important franchise in town got to hang out in the Cornhusker Place?
(Nebraska state police named their Lincoln, NE, drunk tank the “Cornhusker Place”. Naming the vomitorium of bad decisions so it sounds like an upscale mixed-use development just off-campus may in fact be a sign of a DUI epidemic. Thank goodness we’re in the deep end of an election cycle that can address this issue.)
Joba, we will repeat our standing offer to all major college and pro athletes: if you’re too wasted to drive, call us. We’ll drive you home so Dad can tuck you in. (And Fox can get 57 touching reaction shots, of course.)