Grads at Yankee Stadium Drowning in Douchiness

Michael Strahan spoke at NYU’s graduation ceremony at Yankee Stadium Wednesday, letting the future of New York City know that “… if there’s ever a story to learn, it’s my story, and the story of the New York Giants.” We might have gone with a Shakespeare play or maybe “The Cat in the Hat”, but back to his point: NYU grads should emulate the New York Giants?

Michael Strahan Oscar Mayer Weinermobile

(We couldn’t find a picture of Strahan at graduation, so we chose what we imagine to be a close approximation)

If we understand The Vinegary One correctly, they should drift through their lives of mediocrity and encourage in-fighting between co-workers until they hit an embarrassingly strong lucky streak that carries them to brief success and never having to buy a beer in New York City again. We’re already inspired.

This cleansing realization must have washed over at least one other person with a not-so-fresh feeling at Yankee Stadium, who chose to run onto the field in his robe and without his pants, making him the worst streaker in recent history. He tried to round the bases but was absolutely leveled near home plate by security, almost knocking his huge mirrored sunglasses off.

NYU grad douches it up

(We’ve already made him famous enough for one day, thanks much)

We wish we had video of this so we could hear the douche being knocked out of him. Dooouuuuuuucche. Dooooouuuuuuuuche. We would sell our car just to buy a TV set that only played that on an endless loop in slow motion. Doooouuuuuuche. Watch his neck snap here. Doooooouche. Where do his shoes go? Doooooouche.

We don’t want to shock you, but the douche was a film student that also has a rock band and wants to be a filmmaker when he grows up. Be sure to tip him well when he serves you.

Thankfully, the Yankees organization have installed a special drainage system in the new Yankee Stadium that will allow the douchiness of a Derek Jeter snit fit to be completely sucked from the field in only 15 minutes. It cost $37 million, but it’s worth it.

(Oh, and so we don’t drown ourselves: congratulations to Michael J. Fox for getting an honorary degree yesterday. We hope it came with water wings so he avoided the douche flood.)