WSU’s Football Program Is _____ (Fill In The Blank)

As any attorney can tell you, it’s very time consuming and frankly wasteful to have to write the same thing over and over again, when a standard form can be devised to make things much easier. THE DAILY EVERGREEN, the student newspaper at Washington State University, has taken this concept and run with it in its sports section. The paper unveiled its new fill-in-the-blank Cougars football arrest story last month, and the only question seems to be… what took them so long?

(”Hey — where is everybody?”)

With four Cougars’ football players either arrested or suspended from the team since May of this year — and 25 players arrested or charged with offenses that carry possible jail time from 2006 through 2008 — THE DAILY EVERGREEN decided to take this unusual measure. The result — at once sad and hilarious — is following the jump. (My favorite part: ____ was arrested for ____ after using a (circle one) frying pan /knife/rubbing alcohol/broken whiskey bottle to ____ ____.).

THE DAILY EVERGREEN article is here. Excerpt below:

Washington State’s recent football arrest history is indeed a house of horrors; one that Paul Wulff was hired to clean up in January 2008. But in February of this year perhaps my favorite WSU infraction took place, as sophomore quarterback Marshall Lobbestael, the projected starter, was found passed out in his pickup truck in a drunken stupor in front of a police station, and subsequently suspended.

Since then, safeties Tyree Toomer and LeAndre Daniels were arrested for burglary and suspended, and safety Xavier Hicks was arrested for driving on a suspended license. Hicks had previously been arrested for credit card theft.

Among earlier infractions: One player faced felony charges after hitting a man on the head with a frying pan; another tried to hurt a teammate by soaking his contact lenses in rubbing alcohol; a third was accused of punching a student, knocking him unconscious and fracturing his cheekbone. Heck, Wulff himself will be forced to sit out the first three days of fall practice due to “major” recruiting violations when he coached at Eastern Washington.

And then there’s the granddaddy of asshattery, former WSU quarterback Ryan Leaf, who until recently was on the lam from the law, Dillinger-style. And so we _____ (salute/recoil from/mock/ignore) you, Washington State football. Long may you _____.