As the World Series shift to Philadelphia, fans’ ability to get to the game may be hampered by an impending strike by the Southeastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority (Or SEPTRAUT, as we recommend they be named). According to the PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER, the three key issues are wages, pensions and health care. Typical stuff, really, just at an atypical time.
You wouldn’t think that now’s the ideal time to threaten a strike, what with the city needing its urban mass transit providers more than ever to help de-clutter the mass of fans going to and leaving Citizens’ Bank Ballpark, but no, that’s precisely when you air your grievances about low pay: right when you’re at your most essential. Same reason why 80% of cancelled pre-nups get ripped up in the middle of intercourse*.
Here now to discuss the nuanced ramifications of the strike, which could be just hours away, is Phillies spokesperson and Miami crime lab lieutenant Horatio Caine.
Thank you, Mr. Caine.
Really, whatever leverage the SEPTA (ahem, SEPTRAUT) leaders hope to gain will disappear by a couple hours before the first pitch at 8:00 Saturday evening. While they may have proven their worth to the city at that point, it will be irrelevant, because every transit operator with a Phillies fan for a friend will have been ripped limb from limb and hung from utility poles. Do. not. screw. with the World Series, SEPTRAUT. It’s life and death if these people say it’s life and death.
*We totally made that up just now, but we figure the number’s pretty close.