L.A. is all abuzz today about the prospect of Phil Jackson only coaching home games for the Lakers next season. While we haven’t got official word on who will get the gig, if you follow the Lakers like I do, you know there are some obvious candidates for the road game position.
(Handicapping - sorry Larry - some of the big names vying For Phil Jax’s Job)
As a public service, I will provide you those likely “Phil-Ins” after the jump.
Official SbB Candidates for Lakers road game head coaching position:
1) Queen Elizabeth: Already comes with her own special chair.
2) Former NHL coaching great Jacques Demers: Whoops, scratch that …
Probably not the best guy to provide recommended reading to the players.
3) Jonathan Ericsson’s appendix: Nope, they won’t miss him.
4) Iranian presidential candidate Mousavi: Already has the look, parade thing down:
Hezbollah training also handy when throwing hands with unruly mobs of Adam Morrison admirers.
4) This dude:
5) Larry Flynt: Like Phil, won’t ever get off the bench. Bonus: Can help Jerry Buss fill out the scouting staff.
(Flynt perfect fit for Phil Jax’s coaching style - and Lakers. H.R. Dept.)
6) Octo-Mom: Like Phil, won’t be around to call timeout.
7) Rick Majerus: From all his recent job-hopping, you just know he’s got the naked ambition to throw his towel in the ring.
(As Phil knows, Majerus just need to roll the balls out)
Tim Floyd: He’s local, and we now know has more than a vague familiarity of the pay-for-play game.
9) FreeCreditReport.com guy: Originally the working title for Phil’s autobiography, the coach now receives royalties every time that god-awful annoying spot is flogged on ESPN overnights.
10) The 15,178 people who bought Tampa Rays, Orlando Magic and Arizona Cardinals season tickets this year. (Frontrunners.)
11) David Carradine’s corpse (one game only): For the Lakers annual, obligatory choke game against vastly inferior opponent. Here’s hoping the (Memphis) Peabody Hotel’s closets come well-equipped!
12) Orlando Magic V.P. Pat Williams: Perfect for the team’s interminable east coast road swings - the man who has written a thousand books no one has read.
13) Journey without Steve Perry: Perfect for the job - four guys who know exactly what it takes to make an entire career off of one person. Plus, with the lucrative Indian Casino/State Fair circuit, have plenty of road experience to call on.
Certainly, all logical candidates for the job. But knowing Jerry Buss’ preference for bringing in a dynamic, high profile name who will electrify the entertainment community and live up to the Lakers’ unparalleled tradition of excellence, I’m going to go off the board and pick current Laker assistant coach Frank Hamblen for the job.
Yeah, I know, he failed miserably the last time he pinch-hit for Phil. But how many guys can claim to come out of the Kansas City-Omaha Kings cradle of (3rd assistant) coaches? Hamblen’s now coached in the NBA for three decades, which means he has almost as much NBA experience as Jim Buss. (Oh, wait. I meant JOEY Buss.)
If you have any suggestions yourself on Phil-ins, leave them in the comments - and keep ‘em clean.