Who Wants To Sex Ovechkin… All Day? (w/ Video)

Alex Ovechkin is not a pretty man. He knows this, having the luxury of waking up every morning and seeing his busted set of teeth in the mirror every day.  He even told a Russian television station that he didn’t have a face for ads recently, according to PUCK DADDY.

Alex Ovechkin and one lucky lady
(Fortunately, a $124 million contract is real effing handsome.)

As the video of the interview reveals, though, Ovechkin evidently has no problem finding a willing partner for sexual congress. As a matter of fact, he rather prefers it as a pre-game ritual. And, um, post-game. God, his teammates must feel awkward.

Is he lying? Yeah, athletic guys in their young 20s who are worth nine figures are so sexually frustrated.

But even if he’s not actually getting his rocks off every day, before and after games, what a lie to keep up, though, right? Remember when Sting was telling everybody who would listen that he was into Tantric sex that lasted for hours? Eventually he admitted he was just making that up, but hey, not before making millions of people think he was a sex god. “Darn.”

But Ovechkin is a realist, above all else. Considering what must, clinically speaking, qualify as a sexual addiction, we’re sure he’s not one to want to give it up. And yet, his behavior has a logical endgame, one that puts his habits to a virtual standstill for the better part of 18 years:

Alex Ovechkin and child
(Tears of joy? Probably not for Alex.)