Where Is William Wallace When You Need Him?

A few years ago a group of friends and I all bought season tickets to the Chicago Bears.   Every Sunday morning when the Bears were playing at home, we’d get down to Soldier Field at around 8AM and begin our tailgating celebration.  Now considering that none of us are the greatest cooks, we generally just focused on drinking as many beers as possible before going into the stadium.   Then as game time approached, we’d all stuff around five or six beers into our pockets or pant legs to sneak into Soldier Field.   We never got busted, as they didn’t really search all that hard.

“They may take our lives, but they’ll never take our BOOOOOOOZE!  What?  They did?  Son of a…”

In recent years, this has changed.  Security at Soldier Field conducts a search that ends just shy of an anal probe, so sneaking in beer has become nearly impossible.   I never understood this because even though there were a ton of drunk people inside the stadium, it’s not like we were rioting or anything.   Everyone knows that riots are limited to soccer and that you need around 240 gallons of alcohol to approach rioting status.


MORE than 240 gallons of booze was seized from Tartan Army fans before Scotland’s World Cup qualifier at Hampden on Saturday.

British Transport Police confiscated more than half of the alcohol from fans as they made their way to the Norway game.

Warnings had been issued before the game in a bid to clamp down on drink-fuelled anti-social behaviour.

That, my friends, is a lot of booze.   What I don’t get is why soccer fans will start a riot when their team loses, but they’re totally cool with having their alcohol taken away from them.   Much like the people of Ohio, Scots need to get their priorities in order.

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