COCAINE CLAIM - RACE DOPE FROM GOTH CHICK ASSAULT: The TORONTO STAR reports today that six-time wheelchair racing world champion Jeff Adams has been suspended for two years and had his training funds cut off after a positive doping test for cocaine after a race in Ottawa.

Adams met the media with his lawyer yesterday to defend himself, and said the reason for the positive test was “an unknown woman stuffed cocaine into his mouth as he sat beside her on a sofa in the Toronto goth bar Vatikan.”

A goth chick randomly jamming drugs in your blowhole? And to think we thought we were lucky after scoring free soju playing Pai Gow at Hollywood Park last night.

So armed with that alibi, the mohawked, tattooed Adams will plead his case to something called the “Court of Arbitration for Sport” in the near future to get his athletic standing and funding reinstated.