Dodgers Fans Protest ‘Porno’ Between Innings

It’s probably a rough morning for Dodgers fans. After knocking off the best team in the league, they probably thought they had clear sailing past the historically hapless Phillies. But they went out with a whimper, not a bang, and couldn’t even drink off their sorrows at Big Wang’s.

Manny Ramirez

(L.A. fans would never approve of someone whoring themselves for cash.)

But there is a silver lining. At least they won’t have to watch their awful, awful team anymore. But more importantly for the children, impressionable minds, and think-skinned religious folk of L.A., they won’t have to watch any more commercials for a Kevin Smith film.

It seems fans called into Fox Sports to complain about the ads for “Zack and Miri Make a Porno,” which is crazy enough by itself. Think about it - when’s the last time you got so upset about something you saw on television that you took the time to look up the number of the station, call, wait on hold while they transfer you to the appropriate department, and actually lodge a complaint? Never, right? But the commercials in question, which you’ve seen a million times without being offended, drew so many complaints that Fox Sports pulled them from Dodgers games.

And this is Los Angeles, not Middle America. (Indignant outrage over a movie probably not worth the trouble.)

Josh Rawitch is a spokesman for the Dodgers, and clearly drew the short straw to be the one to address the media on this matter. He provides the context for one of the complaints:

One complaint came from a man watching a game in September with his young son, who did not understand a suicide-squeeze bunt the Dodgers tried, Rawitch said.

“He was explaining to his son what a squeeze bunt was. Commercial break, the ad comes on, and the kid asks, ‘Dad, what does porno mean?”‘

Obviously, the correct answer is “Son, a squeeze bunt is something they try because Joe Torre doesn’t trust hitters like Blake DeWitt to score runs the grown-up way.” And after that the father should gently explain to the son that now’s not the right time to talk about it, but instead when they rush it out on DVD in three months (Don’t fall for it; a Kevin Smith movie with a Judd Apatow cast is still a Kevin Smith movie).

Other baseball cities are also having issues with the movie. Philadelphia’s deputy mayor for transportation says, “If they want to call the movie ‘Zack and Miri,’ that’s fine, but Zack and Miri cannot make a porno on my bus shelters.” Note: I will forgive a good deal of na├»vety and stupidity if you phrase your complaints so hilariously

Now, you might think that watching the Phillies bend the Dodgers over and brutalize them with a sideways-held Louisville Slugger was explicit enough, but apparently the mere mention of the word “porno” crossed the line:

Diane Levin, an education professor specializing in child development at Boston’s Wheelock College, said the posters at city bus stops send a message to children that working in the porn industry is an acceptable occupation.

“It’s drawing attention to a movie which is mainstreaming and normalizing pornography, saying if you need money, this is what you do,” said Levin.

By this logic, children will want to become impressionists after being bombarded with five times as many Frank Caliendo ads, which I think we can all agree is far worse than being porn stars.

And if we really want to call out the Dodgers for their questionable morals, why not Manny Ramirez and Scott Boras: the prostitute and his pimp?

Zack and Miri

(This poster has warped my fragile little mind!)