What’s Up With All The Nude Pics Of Steffi Graf?

One of my favorite women’s tennis players of all time is Steffi Graf, who celebrated her 40th birthday this week. Thanks to her bullet-like forehands and unparalleled athleticism, Graf was as dominant in her era as any women’s player in history.

Steffi Graf Bikini Shot

But of course as a teenager, all I remember were those unbelievable legs. My god, what a body. Safe to say back then I wasn’t the only Steffi fan who rarely came up for air. (What’s this schnozz you speak of?)

Who was the more dominant player?

View Results

So with Graf’s big 4-0 upon us this week, I set out to comb the interwebs for some fine photos of her. And what I found was, ahem, a little shocking.

Steffi Graf Topless

(Early ’90s Graf inspiration for Sacha Cohen’s Bruno?)

Turns out there are a ton of nude photos of Graf posted on the web.  Nipple slips, candid nudes on the beach, and about a bajillion unflattering upskirt shots on the court. There so many nudes that you almost wonder if some of them are fake. (No, that’s not what I meant - they’re real.)

Steffi Graf Nipple Slip

(Graf nipple slip or wigged out Andy Dick making it at Missie B.’s?)

Anwway, most of the shots look to be from cheesy European tabloids whose photographers had not yet discovered the wonderment that is White Balance.

Steffi Graf is hotter…

View Results

My absolute favorite? A nude Steffi toweling off outdoors next to her bloated, beached father Peter - who looks like an extra from Casino.

Steffi Graf's Dad Thankfully Keeps His Bottoms On

(Thanks for that)

I didn’t link to the uncensored photos because many of the sites contain a porno quotient a little too high for my liking. But they’re easy to find, just keep Google’s “safe search off” setting in place and you’ll get them in a hot minute.

Steffi Graf Nude

(Before they were famous: Kirk Cameron goes nude)

Exactly zero of the pics are flattering in my opinion. She actually looks more attractive with her clothes on in the SI glamour shots. Bless her heart.

Billie Jean King

I guess it could be worse though for the famous former tennis great. She could be morphing into Elton John.

Who is this year’s favorite to win Wimbledon?

View Results

And while we’re on the subject of women’s tennis players who look better with their clothes on

Serena Williams

(Mort now confirms Florio’s report of Lomas Brown on the comeback trail)

… I think.