• Sorry, fellas - Victoria’s Secret supermodel Adriana Lima is officially off the market after eloping with Memphis Grizzlies guard Marko Jaric.

• Meanwhile, fellow lovely lingerie poser Gisele Bundchen has finally made an honest man out of Tom Brady.

• Could Gina Carano soon be following in Adriana’s & Gisele’s high heels? After all, she just did a spread for Maxim - while her bra is up for bids.

• Speaking of awesome auctions, a Mickey Mantle-autographed “F*** Yogi” baseball was on the block. But Mickey’s son may be calling foul.

• Would you pay $28,000 to watch a Bears-Lions game on your computer? This Chicago fan unknowingly did, thanks to AT&T.

• A poker player down thousands of dollars in debt takes a violent gamble by allegedly killing his parents for his inheritance.

• Oh, Canada. When you’re not making false rape charges against ex-CFL players, you’re deporting AIDS-riddled ex-CFL players back to the States.

• Skip Bayless sez that some Cowboys say that Troy Aikman is gay.

• And the winner of today’s baffled Bruin baller caption contest is…

Dunder Mifflin Security Guard, who offers up this costly quip: “Oh, no! There’s a Stanford guy behind me! He’s going to ruin my financial accounts!”

Thanks to everyone for playing. Have an economically-stable weekend!