Journalistic integrity: we gots it. Sure, we have no qualms about posting pictures of women who are barely wearing enough to keep from getting arrested, nor do we give a flip whether a rumor’s true or not. No, check that–we’ll put a question mark at the end of it. “Yankees Outfielder Arrested For Sodomizing A Stolen Nissan Sentra?” See, it works. But there’s one thing we won’t do to our readers–make them read a swear word.

(This guy knew what I’m talking about.)

Former Cubs 1B and current TV announcer Mark Grace didn’t have that in mind when he was interviewed by the SOUTHTOWN STAR, a Chicago newspaper. You see, he used one of those grown-up, adult words. So in deference to you, the reader, we’ll post his comments, but censor the expletives by replacing them with another, more suitable word. Observe:

“They (FUDGED) it up, honestly,” said Grace, who is covering the World Series as an analyst for Fox.

I’m sorry everyone had to see that. Still, we must go forward. When presented an opportunity to blame the strain of the 100-year championship drought, Grace demurred, saying: “No, because it was the same (SHAZBOT) all year long. […] I have to say no on that.”

Of course, Grace is exactly right. The “curse” was probably the furthest thing from the Cubs’ mind, especially when they had more pressing concerns, like “how in the hell can we score some (GOSHDANG) runs for (FLAKING) once?”

The answer is simple. Because the Cubs (FORNICATING) (INHALE).  It’s been over one (WETHUMPING) hundred years since they’ve put it all together instead of collapsing like a bunch of (DIFFERENTLY ABLED) (UNNATURALLY SHORT PEOPLE) with (THE SUBSTANCE THAT COMES OUT OF OL’ ROVER EVERY NIGHT ON HIS WALK AFTER SUPPER) for brains.

And now while those (CORKSNORTERS) are sitting at home with their thumbs up their (HAM SANDWICHES) and gargling (DIET DR. PEPPER) like a bunch of (CHICAGO WHITE SOX), the Tampa Bay (BEELZEBUB) Rays are in the World (MR. ROGERS) Series?! This is (BALDERDASH)! Those (GRAPE JUICE) stains couldn’t sell out that (THEIR STADIUM) of a stadium if you filled the place with (CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM) and invited 41,000 girls and one cup! (EWW)

Ahem. Sorry, I seem to have lost my temper. Quite glad our censors are at work today. Anyway, yes, the Cubs seem to have failed this year, and Mark Grace pointed it out. That is all.

[terrorist fist jab: MOUTHPIECE]