WaPo Outsources Nationals Coverage To Twitter

Once upon a time, the world got its news and information from large bundles of paper called “news-papers.” As I understand it, these “news-papers” contained all the previous day’s news as well as things like editorial commentary, Ann Landers columns, and Marmaduke. That’s right - you had to wait an entire day to learn what happened in the world. Hard to believe, isn’t it?

Twitter Creme

What’s even crazier is that some of these “news-papers” are still printed today, it’s true! But today’s papers, like the WASHINGTON POST, aren’t the same old boring rags that your grandparents (and, like, older brother) used to read. No, they’re hip and cool and relevant, just like you! For instance, take this Twitter thing they keep hearing so much about. The POST is, like, totally down with it, man! And to prove it, they’re going to…use the social media service wisely to reclaim lost market share and regain profitability? Ha ha just kidding, they’re printing random idiots’ Tweets about the Nationals.

No, really, this is their attempt at staying relevant. To wit:

We’re collecting and displaying Twitter posts from fans at the stadium today through July 26. We’re hoping the tweets give readers a feel for the entire stadium experience.

If you want to help and are on Twitter, post one or more messages from the game with a “#natswp” hashtag, followed by a space and your section number. For example: “A guy in our section caught Zimmerman’s foul ball with his soda cup #natswp 230″ or “The line for pizza behind our section is really long #natswp 412.”

Can you say…Pulitzer? LOL OMG! We literally* are filled to the brim with anticipation and joy over this new, brilliant idea. The four Nationals fans in the world can now share their “stadium experiences” with the elderly and decrepit readers of the actual wood-pulp WASHINGTON POST. Reading the letters to the editor that will surely follow, written by the agitated and confused, will be worth the pain of seeing one of the nation’s largest and most respected newspapers try desperately to stay afloat by posting 140-character brain poops from the general public. Every day, we’re getting closer to Armageddon, folks. Enjoy civilization while it lasts.

*not literally

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