Despite the fracturing of our nation due to the recent venomous spew from both presidential candidates, one thing we can all get together and agree on is that whoever wins, Vladimir Putin can kick their ass. At least, that was the common belief before Putin made the greatest mistake in political history by revealing his secret hand-to-hand combat techniques by releasing an instructional DVD on judo.

THE DAILY MAIL has the scoop. The DVD, hilariously entitled “Let’s Learn Judo with Vladimir Putin”, is the work of a collaboration between Putin, who is a 56-year-old black belt, and former Olympic judo champion Yasuhiro Yamashita. No word yet if the DVD includes a cameo by Putin’s 24-year-old gymnastic mistress.

Ass-kicking and risque rendezvous with young women? Putin is basically just Jack Nicholson, isn’t he?

THE DAILY MAIL has more specifics:

At a nighttime presentation minutes into his 56th birthday, Putin said the title was little more than an ‘advertising trick’.

Anyone who watches it ‘will be learning not from your humble servant but from real geniuses’ of the martial art, he said.

But portions shown on Russian television depicted a black-clad Putin talking about the history and philosophy of judo, as well as a white-robed Putin demonstrating moves against a practice partner.

Putin is a one-time judo champion of his home city St. Petersburg - called Leningrad at the time.

He is also an avid skier, and his apparent fitness and devotion to physical activity helped increase his popularity in eight years as president.

This contrasted sharply with his hard-drinking and chronically ill predecessor, Boris Yeltsin, who died last year.

Yeah. Putin would be able to kill Yeltsin by just pressing against on of the burst blood vessels in the old man’s nose. Of course, the DAILY MAIL saves the best line of the story for last:

Russian gay chatrooms and blogs were particularly intrigued by the photos.

America wins!