Did you know that Red M&M’s will give you cancer? And that KFC can’t legally use the word “chicken” anymore? And that Vitaminwater contains substances banned by the NCAA? They’re all about as true as Mikey dying from mixing Pop Rocks and Coke.

The media breathlessly jumped all over the story this week that certain flavors of Vitaminwater, made by NCAA sponsor Coca-Cola, contain certain performance-enhancing chemicals that can cause a player to fail drug tests, therefore losing his eligibility and livelihood. Likely forwarded to you by the same person who sends you emails with the subject line “Forward This to 10 Friends and Your Wish Will Come True,” the news was even seized upon by Drug Free Sports. Problem is, it’s not true.

While it’s a lovely story that the NCAA is sponsored by drug dealers, perhaps akin to BALCO sponsoring Major League Baseball, the truth isn’t nearly as sexy. While one might have hoped that diligent reporters would have found the NCAA’s preemptive press release on the matter back in October, they needed to set the record straight again.

Recent media and blog coverage, including the February 10, 2009, AdAge.com post “Vitaminwater Runs Afoul of NCAA Banned-Substance Rule,” incorrectly states that student-athletes should not drink six of Vitaminwater’s varieties or they might test positive for banned substances.

In fact, normal daily consumption of any of the 13 Vitaminwater varieties will not place a student-athlete at risk for testing positive for banned substances.

Here’s the deal: certain flavors of Vitaminwater contain the psychoactive compounds taurine and guarana, which increase focus, alertness and reflexes. Here’s the thing that no one bothered to mention: taurine and guarana are just fancy names for caffeine. An athlete would have to chug six liters of Vitaminwater right before a game to potentially test positive, and if he chugs six liters of anything, I don’t think he’s going to be much help out on the court.

Three flavors contain glucosamine or rooibos tea extract, but all that means is that teams can’t provide them as a nutritional supplement. Student athletes are still free to overpay for their tinted sugar water if they like.