One of the worst parts of childhood is growing up to understand that a lot of the things you held dearest are a bunch of crap. Santa Claus? Your dad in a fat suit. The Easter Bunny? Come on. You thought that was real? The tooth fairy? That’s just a bunch of crap to get you to go see a dentist. Still, there was one thing I learned growing up that crushed me more than finding out any of those three weren’t real. I remember the day my cousin told me wrestling was fake.
I felt as my entire soul was being torn apart at the seams. My parents always told me it was fake, but I never believed them. My cousin, on the other hand, was a wrestling fan and had no reason to lie to me. It was horrible, I thought the Ultimate Warrior really was an Ultimate Warrior, and now I found out he was just some roid raging psycho with a penchant for face paint. Thankfully, Vince McMahon realizes the pain this causes young children worldwide, and he wants to do something about it.
Vince McMahon is said to want wrestling to become more real. Former WCW superstar Norman Smiley was hired as a trainer for WWE’s developmental territory Florida Championship Wrestling because of his background experience in realistic Japanese wrestling.
Officials would like wrestlers to make their punches appear that it’s connecting to the opponent and to perform moves that are more realistic. McMahon would like the wrestlers to put their hands up in defense when receiving a punch. Management have debated for more than a year on to use a knockout finish, which was recently done with the Undertaker and Big Show match at No Mercy. When WWE went into HD programming earlier this year the wrestlers were told to work closer to not reveal the unrealistic moves.
It’s at this point that I would like to suggest my amazing plan to make wrestling seem more realistic. Make it real. Seriously, has the success of MMA taught us nothing? There is nothing that Americans, or humans as a species in general, enjoy more than seeing one human beat the hell out of another human.
Instead of scripting wrestling matches, and choreographing everything, I want to see people placed inside a cage actually hitting each other over the head with steel chairs. I want to see one guy get thrown through the announcer’s table as Jim Ross screams in terror. Is Jim Ross still calling matches? I’m honestly not sure because I don’t watch anymore because it’s not real.
Well, that and ever since I hit puberty I’ve had less of an inclination to see men in speedos grappling with one another.