I love you, England. I love you because your women have English accents, and they can make literally anything sound far more interesting than if an American says it. Also, your jokes are usually funnier and there’s nothing produced by an American television company quite like the BBC’s Top Gear.
Oh, and also, only in England can you hear a lawyer say the following: “You know it cannot have been a good night when you get into a fight with Spiderman and two cross-dressing men.” Did we mention the two men in question are MMA fighters? And that closed-circuit cameras captured the whole fight? Nighty-night, drunk men; video is after the break.
From SKY NEWS:
Hapless Dean Gardner, 19, and Jason Fender, 22, were floored by their intended victims after picking on them in a random attack.
Puffed-up Gardner, followed by Fender, runs up to the innocent reveller, who was dressed up for a stag party, and punches him in the face.
But the victim’s friend, - wearing a short black dress, stockings and suspenders - suddenly appears behind them felling them both with two devastating punches.
That’s the thing about MMA fighters. Even the ones who are barely any good at the sport can still K you TFO with alarming efficiency. That “fight” took about 10 seconds; 15 if you count one of the guys grabbing his handbag before leaving.
Gardner and Fender’s bad day only got worse, though:
To make matters worse the pair are eventually confronted by police while nursing their injuries and are arrested.
The sorry saga was revealed at Swansea Magistrates Court where the pair both pleaded guilty to using abusive words and behaviour.
The court heard that prior to the dust-up with the cage fighters the yobs had got into a fight with a man dressed in a spideman [sic] costume.
Hang on a bit. First cross-dressers, now there was some dude walking around in a Spider-Man costume?! What the hell? Is Halloween like three weeks early in Wales or something? Ladies and gentlemen, these two poor young boys weren’t drunk and belligerent, they were just disoriented by the surreal scene unfolding before them. We’d have freaked out and started punching people in the face too. Not guilty, the court of SbB has decided. Next case please.