Veggie-Friendly Teams Play Like Vegetarian Crap

PETA doesn’t want you to have that hot dog at the game. They don’t want you to set up a grill to tailgate in the parking lot. Basically, they don’t want you to have any fun at a football game. And now to make it easier for you to not have fun, they’ve ranked the top five most vegetarian friendly NFL stadiums. And with a combined record of 25-34-1, it’s not hard to wonder if those five teams are getting enough protein.

Fat Guy Eating Burger

Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego took the top spot, for their “bean burritos, veggie sushi rolls, vegetable wraps, veggie hot dogs, and Gardenburgers.” I’m not surprised that San Diegans are watching their figures; most just use sporting events as an excuse to get a base tan. But the other ones on the list, including two perennial contenders for the fattest city in America, leave me scratching my head.

2. McAfee Coliseum (Oakland Raiders) Just out of first place is McAfee Coliseum. One could eat for days here snacking on veggie dogs, veggie burgers, baked potatoes, and fruit cups!

You see this? This is the Black Hole fan section.

Raiders Black Hole

When not attending Raiders games, they can be found waiting under bridges, killing passersby and grinding their bones to make their bread. I don’t think they’re ordering the fruit cup.

Plus, Al Davis subsists on a daily diet of orphans.

3. Lincoln Financial Field (Philadelphia Eagles) Philly might have taken home top prize for having the number one vegetarian-friendly baseball stadium this year, but on the football side of things, the city ranks third with hungry helpings of the classics: veggie dogs and veggie burgers.

If you’ve ever been to Philly, you know they size their clothing on a curve, and Andy Reid is a size zero. Here’s a picture of the Schmitter, the most popular dish at the Linc.

The Schmitter

4. Metrodome (Minnesota Vikings) Sitting in fourth place is the Metrodome, where vendors offer Gardenburgers and Blimpie’s vegetarian sandwiches and salads.

5. Lambeau Field (Green Bay Packers) In fifth place is the home of the Green Bay Packers. These fans really know how to “pack” in the vegetarian bratwurst and PB&J! My question: Does that bratwurst come with a heaping side of sauerkraut? Delish!

I think it’s clear by this point that PETA has never been to any of these stadiums.

Fat Vikings Fan

Fat Packers fan