UT Takes Cues From AIG, Awards Bogus Bonuses

It was just a few days ago that Texas unveiled that silly asterisk on their wall of fame, giving themselves credit for a conference championship that they didn’t even play for (yes, we know, 45-35), much less win. Well, Mack Brown said he’d had no idea what any of that was about and had it all taken down. Big win for sanity, yes? Please?

Texas Football Sign Fake Title
(Y’know, for being such tough football players, the ‘Horns are handling this with all the maturity and level-headedness of your average 13-year-old girl. Juuuust sayin’.)

Actually, no, Texas; there is no sanity clause in Brown’s contract, because instead of merely putting up a wall decoration that awards the ‘Horns the conference title with an asterisk, according to the AUSTIN AMERICAN-STATESMAN, they’re actually going to pay the assistants’ bonuses for winning the thing. Once again, Texas didn’t even play in the game, much less win it. But if the UT athletic department really wants to give away a total of $44,000 to people with ample six figure salaries, who are we to complain, right?

The bonus pool for the 12 totaled $44,000. The team’s two coordinators, strength coach and director of football operations each will receive $5,000. The rest will get a check for $3,000.

The bonuses represent 1 to 2.5 percent of the salaries of the 12, whose base pay ranges from $150,000 to $425,000 for this academic year.

To be absolutely fair to the UT athletic department, they, like most BCS programs, are entirely self-sufficient and don’t use a dime of state money to balance the books. So it’s not like they’re depriving anyone in Texas of an otherwise necessary social service or anything. Still, people. Still. Texas may as well award itself the NFL title while they’re at it, just ’cause they know they’d have taken down those p-ssy Steelers, brah, for real. You don’t even know.

You do have to hand it to Texas, though; by continuing to focus on this part of the Big XII title debate, they’ve managed to push aside any discussion of the consequences of a different decision by the conference; mainly, that Florida would have absolutely wrecked a Texas squad that barely beat Ohio State in their bowl instead.

Tim Tebow’s coming back for his senior season; Texas fans should just be happy he’s not doing so while carrying Will Muschamp’s severed head like a football. It probably would have been about that bad.