Unveiling The Daisuke Matsuzaka Memorial Toilets

A good trade has an impact on both teams. So while the Seibu Lions gave up one of the best pitchers in Japanese history in Daisuke Matsuzaka, let no one say they didn’t get anything in return. Like the most amazing bathrooms you’ve ever seen.

Daisuke Matsuzaka

With the $51 million they received from the Red Sox, Seibu finally put the finishing touches on stadium renovations. And while the new scoreboard and playing surface at the Seibu Dome are nice, the real centerpiece of the construction are the futuristic new toilets.

Seriously, you’ll piss yourself in excitement when you see what these things can do. And then they’ll clean you up.

“Daisuke made such a great contribution to the team for 10 years, so these are kind of his memorial places,” said Masanori Takahashi, the senior director of business operations for the Lions.

That $51,111,111.11 transfer fee that Boston paid has created a fairly unique memorial to Matsuzaka, in the form of the ToTo Washlet, a 2-in-1 toilet/bidet. Add to that the ToTo Warmlet, an electronically heated toilet seat. Next time you’re standing ankle deep in urine at your filthy ballpark restroom, you’ll see just how fair the Dice-K deal was.

“In Japanese custom, it is very important, the toilets,” Takahashi said during a recent tour of the stadium, which opened in 1979. “If you are comfortable in the toilets, then everything is comfortable.”