Unreadable Paper Names Clemens Unsexiest Man

The alt-weekly BOSTON PHOENIX, that trusted arbiter of all things everything, has put together a list of the 100 unsexiest men on the planet, which I suppose is not to be confused with the 100 ugliest. Tops on the list? Roger Clemens. Really? I mean, he’s no pulchritude, but wouldn’t it be more appropriate to give him the ugliest personality?

Roger Clemens And His Frosted Tips

So concludes the Phoenix:

“Considering Roger Clemens moth-eaten congressional testimony, this year’s Unsexiest champ is a quadruple threat: baseball and legal talking heads say that he’s a cheater, a liar/perjurer, a substance-abuser, and a world-class scumbag. His sexy status is further jeopardized by his Cro-Magnon mug (never have a player’s looks been so betrayed by the removal of his ball cap) and, worse, the litany of grotesque anatomical details we’ve been forced to hear.”

Now, in case any one was thinking that this is just based on homerism by embittered Bostonians, consider that Tom Brady (100), Larry Bird (88) and Bill Belichick (11) occupy spaces on the list.

The sole member of sports exclusive media, Tony Kornheiser checks in at number 96 (unless you want to count Chuck Klosterman at 74) and John Clayton at…waitaminute! Where’s John Clayton? You can’t tell me… nnnnnoooooo. Way to sadly negate your entire endeavor there, Phoenix folks.

But then Clayton does look like an alien, so it’s possible they found a loophole with that whole “on the planet” requirement. Veddy tricky!