Um, Houston’s Not Done Using Helmets This Year

As we mentioned this morning (and as you probably saw this weekend), Houston took down Texas Tech - their second Big XII victim in as many games - and sent the Red Raiders into a Tweet-filled tailspin. On the other sideline, though, the mood was decidedly different; this is usually the case whenever one team wins and another loses, according to our resident expert Dr. Obvious.

Houston Cougars fans
(Bigger fan FAIL: the thefts, or that fake-tattoo-armband of the Cougar logo?)

But Houston fans - or at least a couple of them - have a strange way of showing their support for the program. Ordinarily, after all, one doesn’t make the mental connection between “I am going to run onto the field because I am so proud of this team for whom I’ve spent a substantial sum of money on tickets” and “I am now going to steal very important things from this team while I am on their field.” But as you might imagine, these are not ordinary times in Houston, and now coach Kevin Sumlin is asking all 645 of his Twitter followers for a little help.

From Sumlin’s TWITTER.COM feed:

Saturday night was fun, but it will be hard for 3 of our guys to play this week without their helmets. Please return, NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

So Houston fans were so deliriously happy that they helped themselves to the single most important (and most difficult to replace on a timely basis) piece of equipment for three different players? Guys, you’re doing it wrong.

The problem for Houston security is that with the mass of fans on the field, it’s going to be impossible to discern who’s near the sideline enough to pull this off - or even what helmets were where and when. Chaos is a surveillance officer’s worst nightmare, after all.

At the same time, one aspect that must work to the team’s advantage is the auspicious nature of both the crime and the loot. After all, when the head football coach of the #12 team in the nation tells his fans to be on the lookout for something as large and unique as a game-used football helmet, the odds that nobody with the football team’s best interests in mind can find one - or knows who took them - are near nil. Also, despite what Sumlin is suggesting, there’s probably no way Houston goes into Saturday without plenty of replacement helmets from Schutt at the ready. There’s an advantage to college sports being big business sometimes, you know.

Still, all this aside, the implications of this are far-reaching. Sumlin and the Houston athletic department are giving an effective “get out of jail free” card to the thief who made off with several hundred dollars worth of equipment. Again, right there in capital letters, “NO QUESTIONS ASKED.” If nobody comes forward with the helmets, not only are they the new crownholders of the King Dickmove monarchy, but they jeopardize the field rush for both Houston and other similarly skittish athletic departments at schools nationwide. On behalf of football fans everywhere, DO NOT DO THIS TO US, anonymous helmet-taker.