Let’s feel a moment of pity for the Georgia Bulldogs: the World’s Largest Outdoor
Cocktail Party Coke Orgy Okay Back To Cocktail Party has been largely dominated by Florida recently, with the Gators winning 16 of the last 19 and heavily favored to make it 17 of 20 this fall. So Georgia needs to figure out a way to, y’know, stick it to their neighbors to the south.
But if football’s out of the question, well, what about tailgating? It’s as much of a group activity as watching football games, and at least Georgia has a fighting chance since their fans were born with livers just like Florida fans and perhaps an impasse can be made. Sooo, naturally, Georgia’s firing their next salvo in the rivalry: caviar.
Sure enough, according to the ATLANTA JOURNAL-CONSTITUTION, Georgia is releasing their own brand of caviar, and it’s apparently for the sole purpose of trying to spite Florida:
The first batch of UGA Premium Siberian Sturgeon Caviar went on sale this month. The label bears the college’s colors and logo.
The slogan? “THEY HAVE GATORADE … WE HAVE CAVIAR.”
They also have Tim Tebow and Brandon Spikes and Jeff Demps, while Georgia has a traffic cone with a penis spray-painted on it at quarterback, but that’s mere details.
The absolute best part of the article, though, is the well-meaning - but ridiculous - statement from a professor at UGA defending the product:
“People think of Georgia as the peach state, but Georgia really ought to be the sturgeon state,” said Doug Peterson, associate professor of fisheries and aquaculture at UGA.
Four species are native to the state, he said.
Yes, Doug, the Sturgeon State! We can see it now:
(Georgia is for lovers. And sturgeon.)
And furthermore, how is a fish called Siberian Sturgeon native to Georgia? That would be off by over a thousand miles if it were the Georgia next to Russia; this Georgia isn’t even on the right side of the ocean. Also native to the state of Georgia: the Siamese cat, the Lao Crotchfly, and Martians.
But we’re getting off the topic at hand. Caviar for tailgating. Seriously. Nice work, Dawgs.