UCLA’S IRISH FLING BETRAYS FAITHFUL: I attended the UCLA-ND game Saturday. The Bruins (and more specifically, coach Karl Dorrell) treated the shockingly gigantic throng of UCLA fans in attendance to perhaps the ugliest loss in school history, obliterating in 30 seconds what should have been a historic triumph for the Bruins.

But as bad as Dorrell’s judgement was on the gridiron, the UCLA contingent off-the-field was somehow more of an embarrassment.

Witness this scene, featuring a UCLA-sponsored juggler, yell leaders in cargo pants and sweatbands (in 40-degree weather), and the obligatory politically correct female mascot.

Just as disconcerting as that bizarro trio was Dorrell’s decision to once again allow the biggest joke in the Pac Ten, Towel Guy, to dominate the UCLA sideline.

Towel Guy (UCLA Assistant AD Ed Kezirian), who is the most universally-mocked faux football figure in the history of SoCal football, inexplicably twirls a towel (from Hampton Inn?) above his head throughout the game, under the misguided assumption that he and he alone will prompt UCLA alums to watch the field, and not their watches (uh, it never works).

ORAL VICTORY? No doubt last Saturday USC supporters were celebrating the demise of their crosstown rivals (even thought ND is a permanent target on the Trojan dartboard), but I’m here to provide a silver lining for UCLA-centrics.

The night before the titantic tilt, after the final course (see behemoth banana pie) of a delightful dinner with several UCLA supporters at a famed steakhouse in Chicago, an unnamed server revealed his long-hidden feelings about USC fans, who patronize the eponymous establishment every other year: “Next year, I’m taking off the week USC plays Notre Dame (in nearby South Bend).

“USC fans are the most arrogant (expletive) … it’s a complete abortion waiting on those people. It’s amazing how different you (UCLA fans) are.“