“Troy Polamalu” Will Nail Your Wife For SB Tickets

Craigslist is a magical place, isn’t it? In the old days, to buy or sell something, you’d need the social skills to meet someone in person, or at least the motor skills to Xerox a flyer. But now, all you need is a dream. One Pittsburgh man has a dream: to go to the Super Bowl and root on his Steelers. He also has long hair, so he’s offering himself up as a Troy Polamalu lookalike and offering to do anything in exchange for a Super Bowl ticket. And he means anything.

Troy Polamalu

Instead of going to Tampa and seeing the real Troy Polamalu, you can have someone who bears a passing resemblance to him shovel your snow! Or fix your computer! Or have sex with your wife!

Say what?

Craigslist Ad

I have a problem. I NEED to go to the Superbowl but I can’t afford the $2000 ticket. What do I have to offer otherwise? Myself.

-I can fix your pipes.
-Shovel your snow for a year.
-Repair your computer.
-Drive your kids around.
-Entertain you by performing a stupid dare.
-Bang your wife.
-Clean your house for a year

YOU NAME IT I CAN DO IT (I won’t cut my hair or kill anyone). I just need you to give me your Superbowl ticket.

Email me with your offer and you can have your very own Troy Polamalu look alike!

I love how he just slips that “bang your wife” bit in between two other mundane activities. As if the person reading it won’t be paying too much attention when he forks over his once-in-a-lifetime ticket.

“Here you go. I don’t really need my pipes fixed, and my house is pretty clean already. So why don’t you just…what was that other one? The thing about my wife. Do that.”

Also, notice he’s only asking for one ticket. This enterprising young man, unsurprisingly, doesn’t have a friend or loved one to take to the game. Maybe his refusal to cut his hair has something to do with it.