Track Athletes Lay Waste To Bouncers In Berlin

POP QUIZ: Suppose you and some friends are out in Berlin (Berlin!) late at night, and the bouncer won’t let you into the club of your choice on account of overcrowding in the place. Do you A: wait patiently, B: find a different bar to go to, or C: try to bribe the bouncer into looking the other way for a moment or two?

Bershawn Johnson
(It’s just A, B, or C, sir. You’ve got that look in your eye that says D, and that worries us.)

Oh, hmm, we see you’ve added a D bubble and filled that in. Let’s go back to the test booklet and… yes, you’ve written in your own answer in purple crayon, and it says “throw bottles at the doormen and start a war.” You just had to freelance the answer on a multiple choice quiz, didn’t you? Gentlemen, that’s obviously the incorrect answer, and not only do you get no points, but you get arrested and almost certainly suspended by the IAAF. Wow.

Via THE LOCAL:

Six track and field stars – among them 26-year-old US bronze medallist Bershawn Jackson – were arrested early on Sunday morning in Berlin after attacking three bouncers.

The 400-metre hurdle medallist was out with five other IAAF athletes in a group of 20 post-competition revellers when they tried to enter the “Havanna” club in Berlin’s Schöneberg district around 4 am, daily Berliner Kurier reported on Monday.

Bouncers told the group, which also included athletes from Cuba and the Bahamas, to wait in the foyer because the club was too full to accept new patrons. The athletes reacted angrily, and began throwing bottles when they were kicked out, the paper said.

Injuries to three doormen included a cranial contusion, a cervical spine injury and a split lip.

Let’s ignore the fact that the guy’s name is “Bershawn” and move on. No good can come of staring at that name and trying to make sense of it.

Johnson and the other athletes will be allowed to leave the country and will face suspended sentences, which we think might send the wrong idea to athletes. Aside from the IAAF’s tuts and moans, and the likely month-long-or-so vacation the gentlemen have just earned themselves, they’re not going to face any real punishment.

The message, then, is “keep the crimes minor, and go out in style when you leave a foreign country.” In other words, an idea ripped straight from Bad Idea Jeans. Don’t believe us?

  • “Normally I wear protection, but then I thought, ‘When am I gonna make it back to Haiti?’”
  • “Normally I don’t assault bouncers with a beer bottle, but then I thought, “When am I gonna make it back to Germany?”

See? So let’s say somebody approaches you on the last night before you leave a foreign country and says you can lacerate a man’s head with a thrown beer bottle and suffer basically no repercussions at all. Would you say no?

Okay, yes you probably would… unless it’s 4 AM and you’re probably drunk enough that you don’t know what planet you’re on. Then, naturally, Bottle Fight Extravaganza 2009 is a go.