Torre Bets LA Columnist Manny Will Get A Haircut

Here’s to hoping Manny Ramirez doesn’t read the Bible, or, at the very least, that somebody convinces him that the story of Samson & Delilah was just an obscure Grimm Brothers tale. Because Joe Torre, Ramirez’s new manager, would very much like the slugger to tighten up his wig. As in: cut off the dreadlocks and try to look more like a baseball player and less like a hobo.

Manny Ramirez Dodgers

The LOS ANGELES TIMES’ T.J. Simers thinks that, despite Torre’s wishes, there’s no way the mercurial Ramirez would oblige, and Simers is even willing to put his money (in the form of a charitable contribution) where his mouth is:

If Ramirez returns to Dodger Stadium a week from today to open the team’s next home stand with all his hair, Torre said he would make a donation to Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA.

As part of the deal, Torre agrees he will say nothing more to Ramirez about his hair, believing Ramirez heard him the first time they talked.

If Ramirez shows up to Dodger Stadium without the dreads, Page 2 will make a donation to the Joe Torre Safe at Home Foundation.

As part of the deal, of course, I will say nothing more to Ramirez about his hair.

As Simers alludes, Manny could show up to the park wearing a Theo Epstein gorilla costume and Torre wouldn’t bench him (hitting .615 since arriving in L.A. will do that, I suppose). So other than his job title, the Dodgers manager doesn’t have much leverage here.

On the bright side, it looks like the Mattel Children’s Hospital will be getting a donation. If Manny does decide to cut his hair, though, I’d suggest sending a lock or two to Terry Francona as a peace offering for putting him through this whole mess.