Top U of M Recruit Leaves, Takes Jokes With Him

When it rains, it pours for the University of Michigan. Coming off arguably the worst season in the team’s entire 129-year history - or worst season since 1934, depending on who you talk to - the Wolverines no doubt just want to put this year behind them and focus on the future. Unfortunately, that future just got a whole lot less exciting with news that highly-touted recruit Shavodrick Beaver will be playing elsewhere. Congratulations, Tulsa! You just won the Beaver Joke Sweepstakes!

Shavodrick Beaver

Beaver planned on matriculating in Ann Arbor come January, but changed his mind (as Beaver is known to do) after thinking twice about the two-quarterback system Rich Rodriguez was planning. You see, Beaver needs to feel special. Beaver needs to feel appreciated. Beaver needs to be softly caressed, gently wooed and treated tenderly like the unique delicate flower he is.


In a system where the quarterback takes significant hits as a runner, Rodriguez has always felt multiple QBs kept competition and was important to have many talented performers at the spot.

Losing a four-star quarterback prospect is an immediate problem for U-M, which had been closing in on its final four to five commitments for the class and had Beaver planning to enroll in January, along with Tate Forcier. Now a big issue remains and Forcier will have a major edge over any other QB that joins the class, having experienced spring practice.

But just what are the Wolverines going to be missing out on? Here are some notes from Beaver’s profile at ESPN.COM, sliced and diced to make it work as both serious analysis and joke fodder for the more perverted among us:

Beaver may be a sleeper … good zip … good pocket presence … fierce competitor … isn’t afraid to take a big hit … can be fun to watch … tucking the ball … legs do all the work … likes to play … great size … a hot commodity … a bit raw … hard to handle … rough edges.

A hard loss to accept, no doubt. However, THEWOLVERINE.COM recruiting analyst Josh Helmholdt probably sums up the loss best:

“Losing Beaver certainly hurts …”

A sentiment I think we all can relate to.