“Top Gear” Conducts Insane Road Test (w/ Video)

True motor aficionados know the finest car show on television is the BBC’s Top Gear, a program that combines thorough analysis of Britain’s latest cars with the razor-sharp deadpan wit that seemingly comes standard in every educated Londoner over 40.

Ford Fiesta Mall
(Why yes, that is a Corvette chasing a Fiesta through a shopping mall!)

Recently, a viewer challenged the staff to conduct a proper road test, “or have [they] forgotten how?” This is a preposterously brilliant challenge to put forward to people who test drive cars for a living. Top Gear, naturally, chose the Ford Fiesta Extreme*. They must have also considered the “Extreme” part of the name a challenge, because what ensued was, dare we say, 10 of the finest minutes in television history. Luckily for you, it’s after the break.

If you’re impatient or otherwise pressed for time, skip ahead to the 4-minute mark. Otherwise, hit play and enjoy; it’s much more appreciable that way.

(For a larger version, click through to their YouTube page here)

Did you watch the whole thing? Go on, watch it until the end. That screencap at the start isn’t even the most insane part of the show. We’re not going on until you’re done watching.

All done?

Excellent. Frankly, when we’re in the market for a new car, one of the first things we look for is whether a smoke grenade fits into the cup holders. The lack of ammo capacity in the glove box is a bit unsettling, however. In the event of a real catastrophe, we’re going to need more than two magazines for our automatic weapon. Canada’s right there, and frankly, they scare us.

*If you’re thinking, “hang on, one of those eggmobiles?”, that’s fair. For whatever reason, Ford sells a far superior Fiesta across the pond than they ever did here. So when a Briton says “Ford Fiesta,” it doesn’t mean the same thing that we think it does. Kind of like “chips,” “lift,” or “bacon.”**

**Wait, that’s also Canada. Damn Canadians.