As expected, Tiger Woods wins yet another dramatic come-from-behind tournament. Where does this guy get his ginormous grandiose power? If you believe the marketing department of Quaker Oats, it’s their super sports drink Gatorade! (They’re not paying Woods $100 million for you consumers not to believe it.)

As such, Tiger apparently needs a constant supply of Gatorade’s carbs or electrolytes or theanine or whatever it is they put in their multi-colored beverages. And that is why Tiger has come to rely on his own personal on-the-greens Gatorade Lady.

During last weekend’s events, David Whitley of the ORLANDO SENTINEL noticed a woman with a backpack following Woods all around the course. Was she some infatuated fan who hiked across country just to tail Tiger? No - she was hauling around bottles of Gatorade for Tiger to consume at each hole.

Is such a task really necessary? There were coolers at each tee providing liquid nourishment. But they wouldn’t have been to Tiger’s liking, for they held Powerade, Gatorade’s sports drink nemesis. The nerve of those tournament organizers!

Thus Tiger’s need for a Gatorade Lady. Sadly, she couldn’t even hand her bottles to Tiger directly - all beverage transactions had to go through caddy Steve Williams. To walk around a lengthy course bogged down by bottles & bottles Gatorde, and not even allowed to get up close & personal with Tiger - it doesn’t seem fair.

Whitley attempted to get the scoop on the Gatorade Lady, trying to find out what really goes on in the minds of a personal beverage caddy. But her only response to Whitley was, “You’ll have to go through corporate.”

Worse of all, Whitley couldn’t even talk her into giving him a Gatorade sample gratis. Start swinging some clubs & secure a contract with Nike, Dave, and maybe she’ll relent.