This Friendly Young Lady Wants To Get ‘Teboned’

Not that we’re jealous or anything, but maybe it’s time for women to move on from their infatuations with Tim Tebow. After all, he’s already the subject of the mother of all hotties-with-athletes pictures, and he won’t even stain his purity until after marriage. Tim Tebow will not slay your libidos, ladies, certainly not over some crude t-shirt. But fine, if you insist on showing us and the world, by all means…

Tim Tebow Tebone Shirt Left

Oh. Hmm. Okay then. That’s quite the convincing argument. In that case, ma’am, we’d like to introduce you to ourselves. Our name is, um… Tim Tebow. Yes, we look quite different off the field. But let’s not worry about those particulars. You need to be Teboned, and we’re obligated to help.

As with all great novelty shirts, though, the punchline’s on the back:

Tim Tebow Tebone Shirt Right

We also approve of this joke, ma’am, and may only the finest of jerseys be chased by ye. We’re also especially proud of the grandma on the right side of the picture, looking on without a hint of shame. Yeah. Granny Nastypants knows what’s up.

But hang on a damn second: Tim Tebow has the world’s most valuable male V-card this side of the Jonas Brothers, and he isn’t even granted access to the holiest of the holies? My lord, woman, we’re not asking you to defile yourself or anything, but please, some more reasonable standards! He’s the most revered college football player since, like, Nile Kinnick; hasn’t he earned it?