Is there anything more romantic than attending a football game with your loved one? Just the two of you, in your favorite player’s jersey, surrounded by 50,000 loud-mouthed drunks watching a bunch of giants trying to kill each other. It just doesn’t get any more romantic than that.
Of course, the problem is that attending such an amorous event leads to you wanting to have sex with your love right there on the spot, and in our puritan society it’s considered immoral to copulate in public. So doing so right there in your seats is nearly impossible to pull off when there are so many others encompassing you. Thankfully the only thing more romantic than a football game is a bathroom stall.
From THE BUFFALO NEWS:
The call came out early in the third quarter Sunday to investigate numerous complaints of a commotion in a ladies’ restroom across from Section 336 in Ralph Wilson Stadium.
A woman, law enforcement officials said Monday, was having sex with her boyfriend in a bathroom stall.
Police charged Alicia A. Venneman, 29, of Northville, in the southern Adirondacks, with disorderly conduct.
They also charged a man whom police identified as her boyfriend, Jeramy H. Kemper, 31, of Mayfield, with trespassing and resisting arrest.
“This was inappropriate behavior in public,” Scott Berchtold, Bills vice president of communications, said Monday. “Our security staff reacted accordingly, and law enforcement officials were called in to handle the situation.”
What kind of a country is this? You can’t have sex in your seat. You can’t have sex in the bathroom stall. Where the hell can you have sex these days? In your bedroom? How boring and predictable. If I wanted boring and predictable I’d get married, I want romance and excitement!