The White Sox Can’t Seem To Locate Their Colon

White Sox Nation and now baseball fans in general are all asking the musical question: Where in the world is Bartolo Colon? Colon, owner of a 2005 AL Cy Young Award and several XXXL jerseys, is kind of hard to miss; he’s listed at 5-foot-11, 250, which I suspect is hitting the target a bit low. The pitcher had been working on rehabbing his left knee in Arizona after starting the season 3-6 with a 4.23 ERA in 11 games for Chicago, and was supposed to start on Thursday in a rehab assignment in Triple-A Charlotte.

But no one has seen him. As you can see by their home page, the Knights aren’t exactly trumpeting his appearance. Perhaps Bartolo was confused by the fact that Knights Stadium is actually in Fort Mill, South Carolina, which is a suburb of Charlotte? Or perhaps a confused Colon is speeding toward Port Charlotte, Fla., thinking that he’s supposed to report to the Charlotte Stone Crabs.

White Sox GM Ken Williams knows as much as we do.

“I know where he is supposed to be right now. He’s supposed to be in Charlotte, preparing to start Thursday,” White Sox GM Ken Williams said Tuesday, according to the Chicago Tribune. “Efforts to contact his agent have been successful. Their efforts to contact their client have not been so successful.”

“If he’s in Charlotte on Thursday and he starts, then we have him on the program we want him to be on and he’ll be a candidate for [our] doubleheader July 24,” Williams added, according to the report.

Colon was placed on the DL by the White Sox in early June. And according to the blog BOTTOM OF THE BARREL, whose author resides in North Carolina, here’s a few other places he might be.

I would recommend they check either the Fox and the Hound restaurant in downtown Charlotte because they have good appetizers or the strip club on the corner near Bank of America Stadium. It seems like a place where Charlotte athletes hang out and get arrested at. Otherwise, maybe he is dancing at the Coyote Ugly bar downtown…if he is dancing at Coyote Ugly, I would like for someone to email me pictures. I would love to see that.

OK that’s harsh. He’s probably just kicking it with his homies in Santo Domingo …