• Coming soon to a silver screen near you: Al Pacino as Tommy Lasorda.

• Oh, the football-playing kids these days, with their hijinks ‘n’ horseplay ‘n’ penchant for shoving broomsticks up each other’s butts.

• With one quick skip across The Pond, John Daly goes from white trash to Eurotrash.

• George O’Leary wants his players to kill - er, make that George O’Leary wants to kill his players.

• Not learning the lessons from Vai Sikahema’s slaughtering, Jose Canseco wants to go a few more rounds in the ring.

• This is how a hurry-up offense works: Two touchdowns in the final five seconds.

• Looks like London will have to tighten up the ol’ Olympic budgetary bootstraps.

• Neither a skate blade to the neck nor a rifle shot to the chin can stop Clint Malarchuk.

• A Philly reporter takes some horsehide to her heaving chest in a baseball interview prank gone awry.

• If Lane Kiffin’s been fired from the Raiders, why is he still phoning up JaMarcus Russell about offensive strategies?