African Marathoners Advised To Wear Underwear

Six Maasai warriors from northern Tanzania will take part in the London Marathon on April 13th to raise awareness and funds for water-gathering materials for their village. (You can donate at that link.) To assist with the culture shock upon arrival in brassy London, Greenforce (a British charity based partially in Tanzania) has prepared a guide for the wayward runners.

The Gods Must Be Crazy

Among the helpful hints are suggestions to not spit in public, use the water closet instead of the nearest tree for bowel movements, and wear underwear under the traditional red robes to avoid the embarrassment of a buffalo shot. Also, don’t kill any roaming animals like cows because someone probably owns them. Oh, now they tell us.

However, if Greenforce was really concerned about culture shock, they would have provided the following advice:

  • For some reason, you will see a lot of pictures of very sick people posted around you. Consider it a public service warning.
  • You will be running with your shields and spears to raise attention to your cause. Excellent choice. Still, bring bail money.
  • People occasionally disappear underground. It’s okay; they’re just sadistic fools on their way to work. Point at them with your spear and laugh at them.
  • This person is very important in England. Do not ask why; no one is sure.
  • If you see a Nazi orgy, just walk on by.
  • If anyone asks why you’re “wearing a dress”, tell them you work for Dame Edna.

Dame Edna, Ozzy Osborne, and Other