Over the past several years, a pattern of similarities has emerged among American athletes who have been caught using performance-enhancing substances like steroids. Namely, they took the drug test required by their respective sport in the first place. What a mistake! Just think - if only Manny Ramirez had run out of the room when asked to pee in MLB’s cup, he never would have tested positive for female fertility drugs and Los Angeles would still be littered with Mannywood billboards.
If that scenario seems a little far-fetched (OK, completely ridiculous), then you obviously haven’t been following European bodybuilding as closely as you should. If you had been following it like you should, you would’ve learned how to approach the “pee-in-a-cup” event of the Belgian bodybuilding championships like a true champion: running away as fast as possible.
According to the CANADIAN PRESS, who must’ve taken a wrong turn on the way to a curling tournament:
I have never seen anything like it and hope never to see anything like it again,” said anti-doping official Hans Cooman. He said some bodybuilders just grabbed all their gear and ran off when he came into the room. Twenty bodybuilders were entered in the weekend competition.
“The sport has a history of doping and this incident didn’t do its reputation any good,” Cooman said.
Gee, Hans, you think? This isn’t going to do any wonders for the reputation of the bodybuilders’ intelligence, either - there’s not much of a point in using steroids to win a bodybuilding competition if you then avoid the competition, thus eliminating the need for steroids in the first place. Maybe if the bodybuilders hadn’t ‘roided their testicles into oblivion, they would’ve had the balls to face the drug testers like men. Of course, had they done that, the end results wouldn’t have been much different:
During in-competition testing of bodybuilding events last year, the doping authorities of northern Belgium’s Flanders region found three-quarters of the competitors tested positive for doping, with most showing excessive levels of anabolic steroids.
Stupid sexy Flanders. Here’s a tip for our Belgian bodybuilding readers - stay off the ‘roids and you’ll win the 2010 Belgian bodybuilding champion by default. You can thank us later.