That’s “GOVERNOR Blind Jogger Guy” To You, Sir

When I was growing up, my brother and I had the old familiar “would you rather be blind or deaf” conversation. He said “blind,” because he liked listening to music so much, and I said “deaf” because deaf people don’t need to be led around by dogs and their eyes don’t look like hell. I wondered if I should put my brother’s theory to the test by stabbing him in his eyes over and over, but singing while I did it so that he could, y’know, live the dream*.

David Paterson is so blind
(Looking good! Wait, that’s not what I meant, not THAT kind of looking. I’m so sorry.)

And speaking of blind people, that’s New York Governor David Paterson (the NY governor with the normal extra-marital affair, not the one who kept banging the prostitute). He’s legally blind, though Wikipedia tells us it’s due to an early childhood medical condition and not giving the wrong answer to the blind-deaf thing. He’s dressed like that on purpose, amazingly, and that purpose isn’t even Stevie Wonder’s “because he’s blind but still demands to dress himself because it makes him feel more important.”

You see, unlike most blind people, who are lazy, shiftless no-gooders (it’s okay, they can’t read this), Paterson has remained active in things you usually ought to have eyes for, like jogging. As a matter of fact, according to the NEW YORK POST, he even ran a marathon (or at least they’re telling him he did, anyway).

Paterson, 54, told how his wife had used some reverse psychology to get him to run in the 1999 New York City Marathon.

“My wife, Michelle, is an avid runner. When I told her that I was thinking about running the marathon, her first thought was to tell me not to; she knew it would be the fastest way to get me to do it,” Paterson told RUNNER’S WORLD.

Ooh! Ooh! Let me try: You shouldn’t even bother trying to see things! And… ta-da? No? Damn it all.

The article notes that, for obvious reasons, Paterson “jogs with a companion,” which cuts down on the comedy potential by about 99%. Your one semi-plausible exception is if Paterson manages to make said companion angry; then all of a sudden, those “hey, watch out for that utility pole” reminders start coming about five seconds too late. If that’s the case, get out your camcorders; there’s (almost) nothing funnier than watching a sitting governor jog headlong into an oak without even breaking stride.

This has been a fun article to write. Now I’m going to go on Youtube and look for videos of deaf people singing.

*I didn’t do it; I totally would have been grounded.