Texas DE Turns Co-Ed’s Bedroom Into Drive-Thru

Sergio Kindle is many things. He’s a Texas Longhorn, a defensive end, a linebacker, and an All-Conference player. He’s also the inventor and namesake of Amazon’s Kindle device [Oh for crying out loud, no he isn’t!–ed.] [Hang on, I’m turning a beautiful segue here.] [That doesn’t mean you can just flat-out lie.–ed] [Watch me.], so you’d think he would be as much an expert on using portable electronics safely.

Car go flying
(The most amazing part? Her bedroom was on the third floor! Okay, no it wasn’t.)

Oh, but you’d think wrong, considering the epic multitasking fail Kindle just executed last week. While driving through the West Campus district of Austin in the early morning hours of Wednesday, Kindle decided that he needed to send a text message to a friend. Or, we suppose, an enemy. We weren’t in the car with him or anything. Whatever the message was, it was significantly engrossing that Kindle apparently careened into an apartment building, according to BARKING CARNIVAL. And then things got weird.

Kindle and his car-mates, none of whom felt it necessary to warn him that he was navigating the car in the worst possible fashion (see: directly at a gigantic brick structure), got out of the car after the crash, pushed it out of the building with the wonderful new “patio entrance” they gave it, and tried to leave in it before abandoning the car a short distance away. This, however, was not in and of itself a crime. DOC SATURDAY explains:

[S]ince Kindle struck a stationary object, reported it to owners within a reasonable amount of time (the following morning) and will file an accident report with the Texas Department of Public Safety, it doesn’t constitute leaving the scene. Texas coaches are “aware of what happened and … happy he’s O.K.”

Now, a “failure to control” charge has got to be forthcoming over the next few days or weeks, otherwise I give up. As for the young lady, one 21-year-old Ashley Zapata (she doesn’t have a facebook picture, so you’ll have to stalk someone else), she wasn’t home at the time. Good thing, because that was not a pleasant room to be in:

The car drove part of the way through her bedroom destroying furniture, her iPhone, a computer and computer printer, she said.

Zapata said she doesn’t have renters insurance.

“We have been in contact with the attorney of the responsible party and are working with the authorities to aid their investigation in any way that we can,” according to a statement from the apartment management.

Here’s the building in question, by the way, courtesy of GOOGLE MAPS:

Building Victim Austin
(Not pictured: sedan-shaped entrance)

It’s reassuring–sorta–that the apartments are right next to the sidewalk and street, because if Kindle had to cross a lawn to hit it and nobody noticed anything was awry until he hit the building, we’d have had to weep. This still isn’t okay, of course, but perhaps the fail isn’t quite as epic.

Now, Zapata’s parents may wonder why, on a Tuesday night, she wasn’t home at nearly 2 in the morning, but hey, it’s college. No, more than that, it’s Austin. These things are practically de rigeur in a college town like Austin.

As for Kindle, no word on suspensions or what, just that he was treated for a concussion the next day. Ironically, if he’d been drunk at the time (no idea if he was or not, mind you), hiding out overnight before reporting the crash may have saved his career: Kindle had a DUI in 2007. One more (and with a rather serious wreck attached), and his UT career would almost certainly be over.

But that’s all speculation based purely on weak circumstantial evidence (i.e. the time), and the important thing is that everybody’s okay. Things are just things, and things can be replaced (though with damage to the building estimated at near $9,000, replacement may take a bit for Kindle to pay for).