Tebow Returns, Forestalls World’s End One Year

Moreover, brothers and sisters, we declare to you the gospel which we preached to you by which also you are saved from life without Tim Tebow in Florida, if you keep in memory what we preached to you, unless you have believed in vain that He shall return for his senior season.

Tim Tebow church sign

For we delivered to you first of all that which we also received, how that Tebow won the BCS Championship Game again according to the Brennaman; And that he took a few days to think it over, and that he rose again the third day according to the ORLANDO SENTINEL; And that he was seen of Urban Meyer for another season, then of the eleven (except Percy Harvin because, c’mon, who are we kidding).

After that, He was seen of above 100,000 brothers and sisters at once (not to mention the 26.8 million viewers at home); of whom the greater part remain to this present, but some are fallen asleep from the blood of Tebow, mostly consumed in beer bong format.

Then they also which are fallen asleep in Tebow’s name are drawn upon with marker with penis shapes and not mindful at all because 1) they’re national champions and 2) they go to school in Florida.  If in this life only we have hope in Tebow, we are of all men most gleeful.  The rest of you that want media coverage in 2009 are pretty much screwed.  Amen.

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