Cheryl Miller Not Pleased w/Pollard’s TV Tardiness

• NBA TV analyst Cheryl Miller layeth the smack down on Scot Pollard for showing up to their program late.

Cheryl Miller Scot Pollard

(”Mechanical aircraft problems, my ass!”)

• Maybe MLB should schedule their Opening Days in warmer climates.

• Is giving a restaurant a bad review really worth an MMAer beatdown?

• Did Manny Ramirez do steroids? Jose Canseco says there’s a “90%” chance he did.

Lenny Dykstra isn’t such a shrewd businessman, after all.

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DUI: Zach Randolph Can’t Drive Drunk Very Well

It’s pretty much a given fact of life that Zach Randolph is bad at things. We mean everything. If Zach were tasked to build a car out of Legos, he would end up handing you a dead fish covered in asbestos and lead paint. So when he decided to get sensationally drunk (on a Sunday night - that’s a school night, pal!) and get behind the wheel of his Bentley, well, you probably already know how that ended up.

DUI stop
(Paging PHOTOSHOP DISASTERS, you’re wanted on line 4…)

As TMZ reports, Randolph got popped for a DUI last night, raising the total amount of DUIs by athletes to infinityleven. Seriously, how does this still happen? Zach Randolph makes almost $17 million per year. He can afford a limousine. Hell, he can afford a limo made of cocaine, platinum, and leprechaun femurs. At no point should he ever have to get behind the wheel of any car, drunk or not, for the rest of his life.

But he did anyway, despite having been busted for DUI before, and just like every time he tries to do something, he drove drunk poorly: Read more…

Speed Read: Penn St. & Illinois Stink Up The Joint

Basketball: it’s a beautiful game. Or fantastically ugly, depending on which game you watched last night. On one hand, you had the Phoenix Suns putting up 140 points for the second straight game in their 142-119 victory over the depleted Los Angeles Clippers. On the other, there was Penn State and Illinois, who combined scored exactly one-half as many points as the Suns did in the Nittany Lions’ 38-33 upset victory over the Fighting Illini.

Penn State vs Illinois

Let’s talk about the latter game first. It wasn’t the lowest scoring game since the 45-second shot clock was introduced in 1986, but it was close. (That distinction belongs to Monmouth’s 41-21 win over Princeton in 2006.) They also flirted with the record for fewest combined points in a half, with the two team’s output of 32 just eclipsing the record of 28 set by Mississippi and South Carolina back in 2003.

The box score tells you all you need to know about the debacle. Exactly one player scored in double digits: Penn State’s Talor Battle, who put up 11 points on 3-for-11 shooting. Heck, the Nittany Lions as a team shot 28.3 percent from the field, and they won.

At least the two teams didn’t let a little thing like not being able to hit the broadside of a barn stop them from shooting the deep ball: they combined to go 6-for-33 from the three-point line. And Illinois didn’t attempt a free throw. For the game. Way to be aggressive, guys. But I guess a win’s a win, even if it’s the most embarrassing and pathetic kind possible. Congratulations, Penn State, I guess.

Steve Nash and Al Thorton

And then there are the Suns. You’ll excuse me if I don’t get too excited by the sudden return of the high-scoring, fast-paced, exciting Suns with Alvin Gentry as head coach after putting a hurting on the Clippers on back-to-back nights. First off, it’s the Clippers to begin with, but if a team with Amare Stoudemire (for now) can’t murder a team that’s missing Chris Kaman, Marcus Camby, Brian Skinner and Zach Randolph, then something is seriously wrong.

Check back with me on Sunday after you guys visit Boston, and we’ll see how you’re doing.

But the Suns have a date with Oklahoma City before then on Friday, which will be without newly-acquired Tyson Chandler. Permanently. That’s because the Thunder rescinded their trade with New Orleans from Tuesday and sent Chandler back to the Hornets after he failed a physical with their team doctor.

Tyson Chandler

As TRUEHOOP notes, it’s probably going to be pretty awkward in New Orleans as Chandler has to return to the team that just unloaded him for Joe Smith and Chris Wilcox. (By the way, is Joe Smith involved with every strange trade or free agent signing in the NBA?) What makes things even more odd is that Chandler didn’t fail the physical because of his sprained left ankle - it was because of a big toe injury he suffered in 2007. And the Thunder’s doctor was the one who performed the surgery.

And speaking of injuries…Ken Griffey Jr. is back with the Mariners! All joking aside, I think most people of my generation will think it’s pretty neat to see Junior back in a Mariners uniform (presumably) for the rest of his career. And the story of his signing with the Mariners is unique; the SEATTLE TIMES says that apparently the No. 1 salesman for Seattle was Harold Reynolds, a close friend of Griffey’s. He had been working on Griffey to sell him on the move to Seattle when he played his trump card: hugging Willie Mays.

Ken Griffey Jr.

Reynolds set up a phone call between Griffey and the Say Hey Kid, who was Griffey’s idol and the reason he wears No. 24. And sure enough, soon after having the phone conversation with Mays, Griffey told the Mariners that he would sign with them. A great story, although I’m not sure I’d take advice from Willie Mays on how to end your career gracefully.

More sports stories to learn about as you ponder if anyone’s life could be stranger than Tracy Morgan’s

Which star athlete’s end of career death spiral was most painful to watch?

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Recap: All-Out Basket Brawl Breaks Out In ‘Bama

• Hot tempers flare at a high school playoff game, as a basketbrawl breaks out in ‘Bama.

Georgia High School Basketball Brawl

Sean Williams learns you can’t go home again - or the Boston College campus police will arrest you for trespassing.

• The rest of Tracy McGrady’s season with the Rockets has been aborted.

• Reason #54,762 the minors are better than the majors: Free food for the kiddies - for all the kids, all year long!

• Another sign of the struggling economy: Tickets for the ACC tournament are going to be sold to the general public for the first time in 42 years.

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Zach Slugs Suns Center For Trying To ‘Kiss Him’

In the 2nd quarter of the Clippers’ embarrassing 140-100 loss to Phoenix last night, Zach Randolph blasted the Suns’ Louis Amundson with a left cross after the two got tangled up in the paint. Why would Zach launch such a zinger into an opponent’s mug just three days removed from Valentine’s Day? Randolph claims that Amundson was getting a little too amorous.

Zach Randolph Louis Amundson

(C’mon, Zach - how do you say no to those eyes?)

I know how Zach feels. You’re just minding your own business, playing some hoops out on the court, and then out of nowhere some dude on the other team just steps up and tries to start making out with you. At least, that’s the story Randolph is sticking to for why he slugged Amundson. Amundson is kind of a pretty boy, rocking the blond hair and the ponytail, but if Zach was his type of guy he probably would’ve at least waited until garbage time to make his move.

Video of the rebuffed advance after the jump:

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Blog-A-Roni: A-Rod Taunted By Toronto Fans

  • DEADSPIN shows us Alex Rodriguez falling victim to the Toronto taunt

    A-Rod taunted in Toronto

  • YOU BEEN BLINDED catches an interview with Sir Charles calling his friend Tiger Woods “useless”
  • HOME RUN DERBY provides what could be visual evidence that being a Cubs fan leads you to hitting the bottle at a young age
  • FANHOUSE examines the thought of Zach Randolph becoming a Clipper. Hasn’t Clipper Nation been through enough already.

Latest LeBron-To-NYC Plans - Zap Zach, Give Gifts

Marc Berman of the NEW YORK POST shoots up the latest plan to bring LeBron James to the Big Apple.

LeBron James Zach Randolph

When LeBron has a chance to opt out of his Cavaliers contract in 2010, Berman suggests making salary cap room by trading away Zach Randolph and his $17.8 million contract that runs through 2011. And it doesn’t have to be just Zach that’s zapped from the roster, as Berman says removing Eddy Curry or Jamal Crawford could also put the Knicks under the cap.

But if MSG management can’t make this happen, some fans hope to sway LeBron with their own greenback grass-roots campaign. Read more…

Mike & Mike Get In A Lather For Soap Opera Scene

Mike Golic & Mike Greenberg bust their acting chops in “Guiding Light“:

Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic on Guiding Light

Wonder if they’ll bring Dana Jacobson along to the Daytime Emmys?

A-Rod is pumped at the thought of his daughters marrying Andy Pettitte.

Knicks teammates Zach Randolph & Nate Robinson exchange words - then some water & towels.

The Big Cactus needles Kareem & Wilt The Stilt about a lack of respect.

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Somebody Forgot The Confetti Bucket At MSG

By now you’ve probably heard about the Knicks doing their Harlem Globetrotters imitiation last night:

During a timeout on the bench, Zach Randolph threw a cup of water on Nate Robinson. And Robinson replied with a flying towel.

How confetti escaped the altercation, we have no idea.