One of the biggest jokes in pro sports so far this year has been the neverending punchline that is the new Yankee Stadium. The Yankees’ billion-dollar monument to greed, excess, and everything else wrong with the modern American economy has hurt the team on the field and its vast oceans of empty overpriced seats has hurt the team off it. For Yankees fans, it would be an embarrassing position to be in - if they had the capacity for shame. Which they don’t.

And while the hubris of Yankees fans knows few bounds, they might want to sit up and take notice of a piece that appeared in the NEW YORK TIMES this weekend. If fans think this season’s rows of empty seats are no big deal, just wait - this could just be the beginning.

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This is a tale of a dedicated Yankees fan, a Phish concert, contraband smuggled inside of a man’s pants, and of course a Vermont “Hooters.” It all adds up to a baseball prank which is either brilliantly inspired or monumentally stupid,  or perhaps both.

Meet Ian Ferris, a Yankees fan who has been gnashing his teeth ever since a Red Sox fan attempted to curse the Yankees by burying a David Ortiz jersey within the new Yankee Stadium during its construction in 2007. (How’s that jinx working out, by the way?). Determined to get his revenge, Ferris devised a diabolical plot; with the relevant elements pictured above.  Read more…

• Racers on the hot rod circuit will have to deal with a new emerging (and enchanting) force - Ashley Force’s younger sister Courtney:

• Everything is magical about Tom Brady - from his supermodel wife to his miraculously quick recovery from knee surgery.

• Kimbo Slice is trying to get back into MMA the only way he knows how - through a UFC reality TV series.

• Justice Clarence Thomas knows how to keep football recruits committed to Nebraska - by speaking at their high school commencement.

• Remember to always take special care when celebrating your soccer team’s promotion on top of a bouncy Brazilian bus.

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They’re auctioning off a bunch of stuff from old Yankee Stadium, and you’re invited. The most requested memorabilia? You guessed it: The urinals. And it’s no surprise: Nothing says Fancy Dinner Party like an old urinal from Yankee Stadium in your guest bathroom.

But in a classic case of bait and switch, the Yankees are now saying that, sadly, their urinals are not for sale. When they were making plans to tear down the stadium, they had indicated that they would be. Disappointing. In addition to the sentimental value, they could help science: Think of all the worldwide pandemics that must have begun in Yankee Stadium restrooms. One of those urinals is quite possibly the original source of the swine flu. Read more…

Hey, you know what a colossal disaster the Yankee Stadium Experiment has been so far? Anyone feel like making things much, much worse? New York Assemblymen Richard Brodsky and James Brennan, yes, your hands are up, please go ahead.

(”The records are in here somewhere, we swear…”)

Brodsky and Brennan have issued subpoenas for the Yankees’ internal records, charging that construction deals will eventually cost $4 billion in financing and tax breaks, a troubling number since the team said the stadium “only” cost $1.5 billion to build. The Yankees’ response? According to ESPN, it’s “Go ahead, we’ll just cost your precious citizens even more money“:   Read more…

The new Yankee Stadium is on a ridiculous home run pace, no one denies this. But the more level-headed pundits out there have chalked it up, somewhat logically, to a lineup that hits a lot of home runs, and the complete lack of a pitching staff.

But not Peter Gammons. The grand old man of the BBWAA tore apart the stadium, calling it “one of the biggest jokes in baseball.” Jeez Peter, tell us what you really think.

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Name a particularly loathsome baseball franchise. Go ahead, do it, we can hear you. All right, it looks like 75% of you said the Yankees, and the rest said… well, for some reason, the rest said Notre Dame football, even though we specifically said baseball.

(Home Run Jesus strikes again.)

So why bring up the two most hateworthy teams in all of sport? Because of the impending unholy alliance that threatens the fabric of the universe, of course! It turns out Notre Dame wants to be the first college football team to christen the new Yankee Stadium, according to reports from the NEW YORK TIMES. If you oppose this idea, as nearly all of you do, then surprise! You clearly hate America.

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If you haven’t had lunch yet, or are afraid it might come back up, you might want to wait a few minutes before reading this post. But if you have a strong stomach, here’s a question to digest: How can a new billion-dollar state-of-the-art baseball stadium be selling moldy hot dog buns?

THE VOICE OF THE YANKEES UNIVERSE is asking itself that same question, as they share an unappetizing story about one Bronx Bomber fan’s belly-churning visit to the brand new ballpark.

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• Bruce Pearl has Volunteered his heart for marriage once again, as the UT coach announces his engagement to the quite tasty Brandy Miller.

• Jessica Simpson gets so worried when Tony Romo is on the field that she texts everyone to pray for his protection.

• Sorry, folks, tonight’s Yankees game has been called on account of rain. Oh, it hasn’t? Well, too bad - you’re still not getting back in.

• The Green Bay Packers warned us about this sinister swine flu epidemic - over 30 years ago!

• Regis Philblin is almost murdered by a menacing throw from the Marlins’ Hanley Ramirez.

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Remember our story earlier today about the Yankees Stadium security guards who wouldn’t let fans back in a game after they told those same fans it was canceled? It turns out that’s not the only incident of arbitrary, adversarial authoritarianism run amok in the Big Apple - and it’s even spreading to both new NY stadiums.

(The Yankees’ current #1 security threat, apparently.)

That’s Paul O’Neill (above), whom our readers over the ripe age of 12 would remember as a beloved Yankee outfielder. He now works as a broadcaster for the YES network (”YES,” of course, stands for “Constant Yankee Verbal Fellatio.” They got the letters in the acronym wrong). He was out by the batting cages during warmups this weekend, which is basically what every announcer does ever, when according to the NEW YORK DAILY NEWS, security told him he couldn’t “loiter” and made him leave. Then they decided to make things personal.

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