One of the great things about college is that there’s - depending on the size of the student population - anywhere from dozens to hundreds of girls on campus at any time who are completely open to anything. It’s college, hooray, experimenting is fun, whooo. It’s where Girls Gone Wild makes its money, and that’s no accident.
(”Why couldn’t this last? It’ll only be 32 years before our relationship doesn’t violate The Rule. Then it’s clean! Come back to me! COME BAAAACK!”)
The problem is that eventually, these young ladies become self-aware; usually, it’s concurrent with a massive increase in sobriety. So when you’re a free-spirited sexagenarian (what? that means between 60 and 69. Grow up. AND GROW UP ABOUT THE 69.) who finds himself, say, engaged to a 22-year-old young lady, just realize this: it’s not going to last, and it’s not going to end well.
Oh, if only our old friend “White Owl” had seen that coming. Well, if he’d been able to, he probably wouldn’t be White Owl in the first place, but we lament all the same as he sits in jail, having violated a protective order against his ex-fiancee. Sigh.
One of the greatest unique cultural institutions in our great nation is that of the traditional college town. America, in all its glory, is the only nation on Earth that felt the need to construct hundreds of cities that solely exist as monuments to the avoidance of responsibility and acceptance of binge drinking - and let’s face it, that’s pretty much what undergrad is for. On top of the students, college towns are full of bizarro characters who never got the message that the binge drinking and responsibility-avoiding is supposed to end at some point.
One notable example of this sort of character is the man residing in Lawrence, Kansas who calls himself “White Owl.” You may remember him from the Kansas Jayhawks’ breakout 2007 football season, during which the crazy old coot got more camera time (if not space) than Mark Mangino. White Owl turned the camera time into a sort of lasting fame in Lawrence. He was briefly engaged to a KU student and made money off his notoriety in a variety of odd ways. But now, his happy relationship with the Jayhawks might be coming to an end as he claims he’s been banned from KU’s campus for the summer and beyond.
We receive word of true love in the world of college sports from the Nora Ephron of sports blogs, THE WIZARD OF ODDS. “White Owl“, the University of Kansas’ resident free spirit and claimant to the “biggest fan” title, has fallen for 22-year-old KU junior Julia Lee, and proposed to her a month after meeting her.
She, of course, said yes.
Tell us all about it, Mr. Owl:
“White Owl said he sensed she was missing something in her life…. “I saw an injured spirit and I am all about helping people and being a light,” White Owl said, “I prayed that night that she would be sent to me somehow.” “
Shame on all of you that replied, “I know what she’s missing: a strong male figure in her childhood!” When you’re attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as fate is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match.