Pittsburgh Strikes Down The Upholstered Menace

Good news, Pittsburgh! Now that your local football team will clearly be winning Super Bowls every year for the next decade or so, your city council is taking a proactive approach to, shall we say, celebration-proofing your neighborhood. Did they do that by catching the bank-robbing Steeler fan from the parade? Well, no, but they are eliminating the one thing that can take down civil order as we know it: COUCHES.

(Run for your life!)

Look, couches are a known threat. They sometimes come with cats in them. They nearly took this man’s life. And worst of all, as West Virginia fans are acutely aware, they are delightfully flammable. Apparently, Pittsburgh fans figured this out as they celebrated their latest Super Bowl victory, igniting several specimens of the Upholsterus genus (section Furnitura, species Couchus and Sofalia). So is the city taking a reasoned approach to the problem and increasing enforcement and penalties on public burning?

Of course not! Read more…